this + beautiful + moment

wordpress

2010-12-12T16:00:00.000-06:00

Well, Chad and I decided to combine our blogs and move them over to Wordpress. Click here to view our new joint blog, Rhythms of Grace + Mercy. See you there!

Kristen :)

movin 'n' shakin... part 2

2010-12-08T15:36:00.003-06:00

The carpet at our house now has skid marks on it. Not really, but sometimes I expect to see little black skid marks in the shape of baby hands and knees. Jonathan is on the move! And he's not just rolling, scooting and pivoting anymore-- he's crawling. Pretty soon we'll be handing him the keys to the car. Okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration, but sometimes he's out of sight before you can even say "play yard." Speaking of which, the new play yard we bought can't arrive in the mail soon enough. Our home is about the least baby-proofed home you can possibly imagine, since we're staying with family at the moment, and this mom is ready for a little less "excitement."

The last time I posted an update about Jonathan, he had just begun sitting up on his own, and he hadn't yet begun solid foods. Now, at eight months, he's crawling all over creation and has tried almost 30 foods, including a few herbs and spices. So far he has two favorites: cheesy-tomato chicken soup with barley and herbs, and bananas and apples with cinnamon, oatmeal, and yogurt on top. We make our own baby food and tend to get pretty creative sometimes.

Jonathan has also started saying "Da da DAH" a lot, especially when he wants us to come get him out of his crib in the morning. "Gahhh ga GAH gah GAHH" is one of his favorite things to say while he's in his booster seat or the jumperoo-- he says it with a big voice and lots of attitude. "Blah blah BLAH" is also often in the mix-- probably how he hears most of what we say. :) Chad and I can't get enough of his "talking." He occasionally says "Aai la ooh," too.

As far as growth goes, Jonathan is still ahead of the curve. People's questions have become pretty predictable anymore: 1. "How old is he?" 2. "Oh, wow, so is he big for his age or something?" 3. "Oh, okay, so man, how much does he weigh?" Usually I say I lost track a while ago. :) He does actually seem to be leveling off a little, though-- the last time we weighed him, he was a little over 21 lbs, which is only in the 75th percentile. A few months ago he was in the 90th. We haven't been flying through clothes as quickly, either-- he's been in 18-month clothes for the past month or so and hasn't outgrown them yet. A big relief for Mom-- and for the family budget. :)

Below are some of our favorite pictures from the past couple of months... enjoy!

Jonathan's six-month picture...

riding in the car...

so many toys, so little time...

one of his first times eating solid foods...

waiting patiently for lunch...

in his little lion costume...

the costume lasted all of five minutes...

Jonathan's seven-month picture...

learning how to crawl...

going for a little stroll...

nice and cozy...

hanging with Uncle Nick...

and Grandma and Granddad...

and Great-Grandma and Great-Granddad...

eight months and counting... time flies!

some video from the past month...

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Thanks for stopping by. Soon I'll share some news on our location and vocation. See you then!

movin 'n' shakin... part 1

2010-11-24T22:39:00.000-06:00

This past month has been all about moving. Moving cross-country (our family moved back to Kansas again) and moving cross-carpet (Jonathan is working hard to perfect the art of rolling and scooting).

Overall, the move back to the Midwest was not enjoyable, but it wasn't as difficult as it could have been, either. We had to pack our belongings kind of funny since most of our stuff was going into storage, but somehow we made it through all the rooms of our house more quickly than we had anticipated, and before we knew it, almost everything was in boxes. Loading up the truck went well, too. It seems like just when you think you're not going to have enough help, God takes pity on you and sends help your way to the point of overflowing. That certainly has been our experience nearly every time we've moved. Even though quite a few people from our small group were headed out of town, we still somehow had more help than we could have asked for, even on a Friday night.

Up until this point, the move had been about as stress-free as we could have imagined. We'd barely found ourselves in a hurry more than once or twice. Then it came time to clean. We should have accepted the help we were offered, but I (and I think Chad, too) felt too guilty to let others help us clean our dirty house. Big mistake. We discovered halfway through that our landlord wanted every inch of everything imaginable wiped down-- right down to the insides of the exhaust fans in the bathrooms and even the hot water heater. Pretty much every last surface in the apartment needed to be wiped down or scrubbed except for the walls, which they were going to paint. What we thought would be a six- or eight-hour job turned into 16 1/2 hours of cleaning for each of us, and even then we still didn't quite get through it all. We were up cleaning until 3:30 a.m. and weren't on the road the next morning until 10:30 a.m. It was miserable.

The following four days were very difficult because of the weather. There were high and even record-high winds from Oregon to Nebraska, and several times Chad was almost pushed off the road in the moving truck. Additionally, in order to make it to our destination each day, we were having to drive late into the night, something we hadn't planned on. We also encountered wet weather twice: once on the way out of Washington and once in Wyoming. There was one place in Wyoming, near the continental divide, where it was icy, snowing, and extremely windy all at the same time. Multiple wrecks were taking place around us. At one point I started across an icy bridge and discovered I no longer had control of the car. The wind was blowing so hard that we moved sideways in the lane while going across. I don't know if I've ever prayed so hard in my life. Having Jonathan sitting there in the back seat, unaware that anything bad was happening, made it even more sobering.

Two semi trucks collided on the ice just ahead of where we were. We sat on the highway for a few minutes while they cleared our way.

Once we made it through Wyoming, it was pretty smooth sailing. Being a Kansan, I never thought I'd be so glad to see the "Now Entering Nebraska" sign. I could have almost become a Husker fan right then and there... almost. We arrived in Kansas safe and sound the next evening, and unloaded the moving truck 24 hours later.

Several times throughout the trip I found myself wishing I could pull off to the side of the road to take pictures. I ended up memorizing the locations and Googling them later to see if I could find photos similar to what I saw.

leaving Seattle toward Spokane...

(photo courtesy aaroads.com)

on the way up to Snoqualmie Pass...

(photo courtesy flickr.com/sjodster)

beautiful Eastern Washington...

(photo courtesy philrand.com)

just outside Cle Elum, WA (a place with a most peculiar name)...

(photo courtesy experiencewa.com)

closer to home, we spotted a huge T-Rex replica outside Lincoln...

(photo courtesy yorknewstimes.com)

Well, that's all for now. Part 2 of this post will be an update on Jonathan as he attempts to conquer the living room floor and crawl all over creation.

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peas

2010-10-10T18:12:00.000-05:00

Jonathan hates peas.

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what God desires most

2010-10-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

Windsor Castle in March, 2000

My life can be so full of distractions. Sometimes I start to do one thing, get sidetracked doing another, then have to tend to a third thing that's even more pressing. Inevitably more distractions follow. By the time I get back to whatever the first thing was, I've forgotten it. Maybe that's just typical life with a six-month-old, but I feel so disorganized most of the time. I want to focus on what's really important, not be ruled by the tyranny of the urgent.

Sometimes I experience this in my spiritual life, as well. My desire is to focus on what's most important, but it's so easy to get distracted. My tendency is to pursue good things to the detriment of the very best.

When Jesus was asked what God's most important command was, He replied that it was, first, to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and second, to love your neighbor as yourself. Two such seemingly simple commands, and yet obedience remains elusive. For some time I've been seeking to learn what it would mean to truly love God with my all. What would it look like in my life if I loved the Lord with all my heart (or passion), all my soul (or prayer), all my mind (or intellect), and all my strength (or ability)? And how would it affect the way I love others?

I'll likely be pondering this to some degree clear up until the day I die, but recently I came across a helpful metaphor for understanding what it means to love God with everything in me. In his book SoulGuide: Following Jesus As Spiritual Director, Dr. Bruce Demarest, professor at Denver Seminary, details several historical journey patterns for Christians. One of them I had never heard of before, but learning of it has revolutionized the way I relate to God. It's called The Carmelite Model, and it's taken from Teresa of Avila's The Interior Castle, written in 1577. According to Demarest the book,

portray[s] the spiritual journey as a deepening relationship with God through prayer. The castle represents the human soul, the gate of the castle entry into the spiritual life, and the innermost room of the castle the place of deepest communion with God. Teresa compares the pilgrim's passage through the castle to the relationship between a lover and the beloved-- progressing from spiritual friendship (rooms 1-3), to spiritual courtship (rooms 4-5), to spiritual marriage (rooms 6-7).

The first room is a metaphor for the experience of a new believer, still beholden in many ways to the world system and all its enticements. He or she has the choice of either pursuing things like wealth, fame, or power, or of following Christ further into the castle. Once the new believer has increased in faith, he or she enters the second room, where "faith remains feeble, prayers brief and lukewarm, and service self-centered."

The third room is where the person looks outwardly like they "have it all together"-- but they have yet to experience any sort of real intimacy with Christ. They may be busy reading Christian books, listening to sermons and serving others, but they aren't pursuing a true relationship with God. Often they're still trying to earn grace through a hidden form of legalism-- keeping their daily quiet times, never missing a Sunday at church, serving because they know they should. Some even fear the loss of their salvation if they don't do these things. The majority of Christians remain in this stage for quite some time. Many never leave it.

The fourth room is often entered only after some great trial precipitates a "dark night of the soul" and periods of deep introspection. The Christian may learn that he or she cannot earn grace, or that busyness about God is no substitute for relationship with God. He or she realizes that God loves the same no matter what, and begins to serve Him out of love, not because of a need to perform. Teresa compares this stage to the beginning of a courtship. Obedience to God remains, but its purpose is now to delight Him, not to placate Him or earn His favor (or the favor of other Christians).

The fifth room is down a hallway "not taken" by many believers. Communion with Christ results in a love so great that death is viewed only as an entry point to further joy. The sixth and seventh rooms are likened to a spiritual marriage: Love for the Savior increases until "the soul is brought into closest possible union with Christ this side of glory.... Christ has become married to all aspects of the conscious and unconscious mind, such that the Christian thinks, wills, and acts with the mind of Christ."

Teresa of Avila writes,

What God communicates here to the soul is a secret so great and a favor so sublime... that I don't know what to compare it to. I can only say that the Lord wishes to reveal for that moment, in a more sublime manner than any spiritual vision or taste, the glory of heaven.

The pursuit of loving God is worthy of our entire lives, and we should endeavor toward this goal with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind, and all our strength. It is the only way to know true joy and satisfaction. (And it is the only way to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.)

But there are so, so many distractions along the way. The Enemy thwarts our every effort, apart from the grace and will of God. Early on in our journey, things of the world like wealth, fame, and power easily tempt us away from the pursuit of God. Related obstacles like workaholism and materialism are so prevalent that even Christian culture has come to embrace them. All of these things serve only to distract from the fact that our lives are empty without God.

Later, after we progress in our faith, we may find ourselves struggling less with the temptations of the world and more with subtler stumbling blocks-- such as excessive indignation, busyness over seemingly spiritual things, spiritual pride, judgmentalism, legalism, discouragement, fears about the future, guilt over past sins, or shame before others or God.

One stumbling block that may be particularly hard for some to avoid is the pursuit of good things to the detriment of the very best. For instance, when we feel a prompting to share what's on our hearts with God, we may choose instead to do something more "productive"-- like reading a Christian book, looking up information on a great hero of the faith, writing down all our prayer requests-- the list could go on. All of these are great things, but none of them are the best.

So what is it that God wants from us? And what is it that we're distracted from so easily? The answer is spiritual intimacy: pouring out our hearts to God in prayer; recounting our day to Him; sharing our hopes and dreams and greatest fears; asking for His guidance about decisions both large and small; seeking His will for our lives; inviting Him to be present as we sleep and wake and go about each day; asking Him to reveal more of Himself to ourselves and others; and telling Him how much we love Him. He already knows everything about us, but His wish is to hear it from our own mouths.

God desires most for us to know and love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. And even though we may not know it, that's what we desire most, too-- to know and love, with everything in us, our Creator, Comforter, Redeemer and Friend.

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Jonathan at 5 1/2 months

2010-09-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

They say that the nice thing about babies is that if you encounter a problem, just give it a few weeks-- 99 percent of the time it'll resolve on its own. And that's certainly been true in our case this past month. Most of the problems we were facing last month have either worked themselves out or are no longer issues: The teething pain has mysteriously vanished, without the appearance of any teeth. The separation anxiety seems to have disappeared for the most part, and as a result, nap times have returned to normal. We did unfortunately have to switch over completely to formula feeding this past month, which isn't ideal, especially given the cost of formula and the fact that we're headed into cold and flu season. But we had exhausted every other possible option, and Jonathan seems to be a lot happier. So I (Mom) am trying to be content with how things turned out, even though it was a disappointment to have to wean him before he was a year old.

Jonathan's big milestone for this month is that he's started to sit up all by himself, without any help, on a completely flat surface. He sat up on our bed for about five minutes straight a few days ago and seemed to really enjoy the freedom it allowed him. Then, last night, he pulled himself up from a semi-reclined position on the couch and sat up again for quite a while on his own. He was clearly very excited about being able to sit up like a big boy.

Crawling is still elusive-- the strength is there, but the coordination isn't quite. Despite this he's been able to move around his crib pretty well by scooting and rolling. In the morning I often enter his room and find him at the side of the crib nearest the door, on his tummy with his head up, peering between the slats to see if someone's going to come through the door to get him. He usually lies in his crib for the better part of an hour just vocalizing as he gradually awakens-- he makes the cutest sounds. He's also started to prefer sleeping on his stomach-- we lay him down on his back to go to sleep, but usually by 2 a.m. or so he's on his stomach, sometimes completely face down-- which has given both Mom and Dad quite a scare a couple of times. Fortunately we have a very firm mattress and only a fitted sheet in his crib, so he's still able to breathe just fine-- although we do flip him back over when he's like that, if for no other reason than it looks horribly uncomfortable!

Well, that's all for now-- I need to get back to cleaning stuff out in preparation for our move. The next time I post we'll have pictures and video of Jonathan trying out his first solid foods. Later on this week, for his six month birthday, we're planning to give him rice cereal for the first time. After that we'll try a new food every three or four days-- bananas, carrots and peas are all on the list. I'm sure most of the food will end up on his face, clothes, bib, booster seat, the floor, Mom's hair, the wall, or some other convenient receptacle, but hopefully some will make it into his tummy, as well!

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Below are some pictures to enjoy until next time...

his five-month picture...

hanging with Mom...

literally hanging with Mom...

giving the camera a shy little look...

"Why do you get to be so tall?"

in his favorite pajamas (he's already starting to outgrow his 9-mo clothes...)

fun-time with Daddy...

in awe of the world as he rides in his new big boy car seat...

video of him sitting up (taken at 5 1/2 months)...

(Facebook users, click here to see the video. Also please note that any comment made below will appear on the original blog post at thisbeautifulmoment.blogspot.com.)

after the restoration, the return

2010-09-25T14:40:00.001-05:00

The Konza Prairie, just outside Manhattan, KS. Photo courtesy city-data.com.

Well, earlier this month Chad found out that he was being laid off. It came as quite a surprise for us, as his boss had recently been talking about promoting him and hiring on more staff. Best laid plans, apparently. We're saddened by the job loss but are already looking forward to better possibilities down the road. The recession has hit the Pacific Northwest particularly hard, and many people in this area have either been laid off, or are losing their businesses, or are having their homes foreclosed on, or a combination of the three. Going-out-of-business sales are a dime a dozen here-- it seems like there's a new one every week. Many of our neighbors and friends are leaving the area to find work elsewhere.

And so are we. Our big news is that we're headed home-- back to the Midwest. We love it here, but the cost of living to pay ratio is just too high, and the only veterinary jobs around at the moment are either part-time or 60+ hours a week, neither of which would work for our situation. And of course we've missed our family and friends in Kansas, especially in light of the fact that we've recently added to our family. We're thankful to have experienced life in the beautiful Pacific Northwest for a little over a year, and we can see how God has used this time in our lives to draw us closer to Him. After a hectic few years of vet school, ministry work, and other busyness, we were left feeling harried, frayed, and disconnected from each other, and from God. We knew we needed to get away for a time of rest, reflection, healing and restoration-- similar to Paul's time in Damascus shortly after his conversion. We've spent much of this past year focusing on each other, our family, and our relationship with the Lord. It has been good to reflect on the direction of our lives and to prioritize things like reading, prayer, solitude, and stillness before God-- the contemplative life. We've spent much less time here "doing" and much more time simply "being"-- or perhaps "becoming." The words "He restores my soul" well describe our experiences in Washington State.

So here in a few weeks we'll load up the moving truck and continue once again on our journey home. Our hope and prayer is to be able to complete a move without feeling rushed or hurried, just as Jesus was never rushed or hurried during His earthly ministry. We'll be staying with my parents for a time, seeking to be a blessing to them while Chad searches for a new job. Of course, this isn't how we had envisioned our time in Washington coming to an end, but we are at peace, trusting that this wasn't a surprise for the Lord, and comforted that he knows our situation better than even we do.

Farewell, Washington State. Thanks for the lovely people and the lovely views. We hope to see you again someday.

Mt. Baker from Picture Lake, near Bellingham, WA. Photo courtesy njsm-georgedrake.blogspot.com.

Jonathan at 4 1/2 months

2010-08-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are again! It's amazing how time flies-- Jonathan will be five months a week from today. The past month has been hard. It can be summarized in a few short phrases:

Teething pain: check.
Separation anxiety: check.
No more naps (at least over 30 minutes long): check.
No more nursing: check.
Milk or formula from a bottle at exactly 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit: check.

The last few weeks haven't been the most fun we've ever had, but there have been some sweet moments interspersed with the difficult ones. The hardest thing (at least for Mom) is that Jonathan has decided he only wants to drink out of a bottle now. No more nursing, not now and maybe not ever again. Not only is it inconvenient, but it has also come at a time when we had finally just gotten the hang of it, after four hard months of trying to solve about every problem imaginable, plus lots of pain, frustrations, setbacks, and many questions (such as, Why are we having to go through such a hard time?). So my high hopes for success have been dashed, well and truly. But who knows, maybe in another month Jonathan will change his mind again, and we'll be back to business as usual.

Teething is ongoing, and probably contributed to the nursing strike, since the bottle is also a great chew-toy. His gums are causing him so much pain that he's even having trouble napping during the day. He still doesn't have any teeth to show for all his suffering, so that has been a bit of a disappointment, but maybe some will poke through by the time we write next month.

Some of the good times we've had recently have revolved around two new toys: an exersaucer and a jumperoo. Jonathan thinks they're both about the best thing ever invented, and Chad and I do, too. Jonathan has an absolute ball bouncing around in the jumperoo (which is similar to a Johnny Jump-up-- but safer), and the exersaucer (a little swiveling seat surrounded with toys) keeps him entertained for up to half an hour or more. His grasping skills have become much better as a result of using it, and you can see the wheels of his little mind turning as he tries to figure out how to make all the different gadgets work. There's a video of him playing in both of them below.

Jonathan has three other new "favorite things" this month: spinning, "standing" on the windowsill and looking out on the backyard, and being carried around on his back with his head hanging upside down. He loves to rediscover things and see them in new and different ways. It has been enjoyable for both Chad and me to watch him and imagine what it would be like to experience our beautiful world in all its glory for the very first time. If parenthood has taught us anything, it's that life is mysterious, delightful and painful all at once, and should be savored to the very last drop.

Here are some photos from the past few weeks:

his four-month picture...

smiling again for the camera...

laughing at Daddy singing a funny song...

falling asleep next to Ducky in the car...

dreaming... for the moment...

"standing" on Daddy's lap...

trying out his new exersaucer...

and his new jumperoo...

smiling in his The Very Hungry Caterpillar pajamas...

big, tired eyes after a hard day at play...

his four-month video...

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Thanks for stopping by! Hope to see you back here again soon.

a poem

2010-08-10T14:45:00.004-05:00

...humbly submitted for your reading pleasure. This was written between dreams at around 4 a.m. on my birthday (a week or so ago).

Last Prayer of the Faithless

From the 4 a.m. Collection

alas my days have seen their end

alas my flesh its end shall meet

the grave, it nears

the flame, it flickers

a shadow heralds death's defeat

alone I lie, my hollow soul

cries out but none are close to hear

in vain my vanity forgotten

abandoned, I watch each tear

fly not toward the earth below

but to the sky and heav'ns above

and there my maker sees and keeps them

as he watches me with love

even though cursed am I

frail, fickle, dirty, worn

empty of all good intentions

my one last hope is soon forlorn

I could not rescue, pardon, cure

that which I never could command

my soul, it strives, it yearns, it toils

but shan't receive grace from his hand

freely offered, freely given

free to take, and mine to claim

but pride the path it blocks my heart

amidst the guilt and fear and shame

and so I die, without a friend

without a peace, without a hope

and from my grave I curse aloud

my first steps down that crooked slope

Jonathan at 3 1/2 months

2010-07-23T23:20:00.001-05:00

The story of the month is teething... a little early! We weren't expecting Jonathan to teeth so early, since I teethed really late (we're not sure when Chad teethed... maybe at three months!), and it has been an exciting ride! Chewing on his hands, chewing on his toys, chewing on our hands, drooling on everything in sight, fussing very easily, fussing much more frequently... not the most fun we've ever had. And there aren't even any teeth to show for all his pain and suffering! We're especially not looking forward to his four month immunizations here in a couple of weeks... fussiness plus more fussiness equals... extreme fussiness! One really wonderful thing about this month, though, is that he's become much more vocal (as you'll see in the video below). He loves making vowel sounds for ten minute stretches at a time. Today he sounded like a cat one moment and Tarzan the next. It's pretty cute! Unfortunately he's camera-shy so it's really hard to get it on video... I guess we need to get one of those hidden purse cameras or something. :) Enjoy the pictures and video below!

his three-month picture...

holding Mommy's hand...

his little feet...

first time in his booster seat...

his new cloth diapers... aren't they cute?

(picture courtesy www.theluvyourbaby.com)

learning to babble...

(Facebook users, click on the link below to see the video...)

Thanks for stopping by!

"ode to flavour"

2010-07-02T23:02:00.004-05:00

This commercial from Haagen-Dazs is so moving... every time I see it, I'm inspired to seek after the things in life that I can really sink my teeth into or put my heart and soul into: primarily the pursuit of God, but also things like the mastery of the art of cooking, the beauty of nature, or the appreciation of paintings or sculpture. Below are the words to the poem featured in the ad, and beneath that is the video. Enjoy!

Ode to Flavour

To the seekers of things which are one of a kind,

the authentic, the rare, the hard to define,

to those who can judge a fruit by its scent,

know all things great require time and intent.

To those who’d climb mountains or sail across seas

for the perfect vanilla or honey from bees,

to the lovers of orchards where simple is grown,

who treat every bite as a world of its own,

to those always searching for what’s pure and what’s real,

from we who believe, we know just how you feel.

*To view this video full screen, click on it while it plays to go to YouTube.

God is at work.

2010-06-23T00:26:00.000-05:00

A quote I heard recently:

"You demand that God fit into your box, and when he doesn’t, you dismiss him out of hand-- ‘God can’t be at work there because they sing that loud music! They don’t even have a church building!’ Or, ‘God can’t be at work there because they do have a church building and they sing all that old music that no one can understand or likes.' 'God can’t be at work there because those people dress the wrong way.' 'God can’t be at work there because I saw that guy drinking a beer the other day.' 'God can’t be at work there because those people are really messed up....' Or we think, even more personally, 'God is not at work because... I’ve tried to jump through the hoops, but my life is still a mess. I’m still in debt, I’m still suffering physically or I still have a struggling marriage, or I’m still single, or I’m still childless, or I’m still not feeling deeply moved, or I still don’t have a perfectly ordered life. And so, God, you’re not fitting into my box. You’re not fulfilling my expectations.' And so we dismiss God’s work out of hand. And we don’t take a deeper look at our lives and allow God to interpret us, instead of us interpreting God."

- Todd Stewart in his sermon, "Overcoming Spiritual Blindness"

Recently I found myself in the odd predicament of defending a person I didn't even know and really knew very little about-- a person who claimed to be a Christian but whose political beliefs didn't line up very well with some (and perhaps even most) Christians' beliefs. Another Christian was criticizing this person and claiming that not only were they a nonbeliever, but that they were intentionally lying for political gain when they claimed to be a Christian.

My judgment was that we really didn't know where this person's heart was before God, and therefore we had no idea whether or not their claim was true. So I walked away from that encounter feeling pretty good about not being critical. And then I turned right around and did more or less the same thing later that week: I criticized and judged people who I really knew nothing about. I said some not-so-Christian things about some people in the news who probably aren't all that different from me, at the end of the day.

It's so easy to bash people who see the world differently than we do. Whether it's Democrats, Republicans, liberals, conservatives, moderates, libertarians, Catholics, Protestants, the rich, the poor, the "good," the "bad," or "those people who are really messed up" (the "ugly"?), we do it without thinking twice. We speak with disrespect and disregard, and it's frankly not honoring of the God we serve. It's so easy to say "God's not working here" or "God's not working there," but the fact is, we really have no clue what God is up to, or how he's going to accomplish what he's up to. If someone says they're a Christian and we have our doubts, then maybe we should get to know them and share our thoughts and our lives with them.

On a more personal note, I often find myself thinking that perhaps God is no longer at work in me since my life is still so messed up so much of the time. Perhaps he's no longer at work since I gave Chad this grand Father's Day on Sunday and then turned right around on Monday and undid it all with some really hurtful words. Perhaps he's not at work because he feels so distant right now, or because I'm not such a great mother like I thought I would be, or because I'm still figuring out how to do life with other people, or because I don't know what I'm doing here in Washington and not in Kansas. And most of all because it seems like there aren't any spiritual "results" that are tangible at the moment. It's easy to criticize other people, but the fact is that when I'm having a bad day, somebody might very easily look at my life and wonder about me. "Man, that Kristen says she's a Christian, but when it comes right down to it, well, she doesn't act very Christ-like a lot of the time."

And so I just have to keep seeking God, trusting that he knows what he's doing, and trusting that his grace is enough, even for me. I must continue to invite him to interpret me, hoping that eventually he'll shape me into exactly who he wants me to be.

Jonathan at 2 1/2 months

2010-06-20T00:05:00.000-05:00

So Jonathan has a totally new routine, and it's better than ever! Our typical day starts between 8 and 9 a.m., when Jonathan wakes up. He has brekkie, hangs out with Mom and sits in his bumbo seat while Mom works in the kitchen. Next he plays in his bouncer, has a snack and then does tummy time with Mom for a bit while the burps work their way out. Back to his bumbo seat or bouncer while Mom gets lunch ready for Dad, and then at 1 p.m. (or thereabouts) he goes down for a nap. He often sleeps until 3 p.m. and then it's back to eating, reading stories with Mom and hanging out in either his bumbo seat, bouncer or carrier while Mom gets dinner ready for Dad. At around 5:30 or 6 p.m., Daddy time begins and lasts until around 7:30 p.m., when it's time to get ready for bed. Before bed Mom and Dad wash his face or bathe him, read him a bedtime story, say prayers and sing a lullabye to him. 8 p.m. is lights out. After having his binky replaced one or two times early on, he sleeps uninterrupted until the next morning. Usually he wakes up for about an hour sometime between 4 a.m. and 7:30 a.m., and then naps until 8 or 9 a.m.

Mom and Dad are feeling much more rested on this new routine! We wish we could say that it was our idea for Jonathan to sleep for at least eight hours every night, but he decided to do this on his own. We think it's proof that letting a baby have their own routine is better than trying to get them to follow a strict schedule, because eventually they work out on their own that nighttime is for dreaming and daytime is for playing.

Jonathan is a delight in every way, and we sure do feel blessed to have such an amazing little boy. Below are a few recent pictures and videos... enjoy!

before our first family walk...

his two-month picture (a couple of days late)...

yawning on a ride to the store...

wide-eyed after getting burped...

snoozing contentedly in his car seat...

asleep in Mommy's arms...

sitting on Daddy's lap... his favorite time of the day is Daddy time...

Happy 1st Father's Day, Daddy!

Jonathan 3 to 6 weeks

2010-05-17T02:01:00.004-05:00

The past few weeks have flown by for the Geri household! Jonathan will be seven weeks on Tuesday and it seems like he's getting bigger and more mature by the day. This afternoon we saw his first real smile - he'd smiled a little bit in the past, but it was just his mouth taking a funny shape as he was trying to burp, not because he was amused. Today he seemed relaxed and genuinely amused at what Daddy and Mommy were doing - we were talking in a very animated way and he was loving every moment. Other recent milestones have included lifting his head for extended periods of time and turning onto his side (I guess this wasn't supposed to happen for a while, but somehow he managed it twice before we discovered the miracle of swaddling).

Jonathan has continued to be a very content and easily consolable baby, which we are extremely thankful for. If he cries when he wakes from a nap, it means he's hungry, and if he cries after he's eaten, then he's tired. That's basically it - pretty simple for Mom and Dad to figure out and remedy. I actually can't recall a time recently when he's cried for more than about half a minute - which is almost miraculous. He's also slowly learning how to sleep through the night - right now, if he's well fed and swaddled, he usually wakes once at about 1 a.m. and once at around 5 a.m., which isn't too bad at all. He's basically gotten himself onto a natural four-hour waking-eating-sleeping routine, with a few exceptions here and there.

So at this point Chad and I are feeling pretty well adjusted as new parents. We definitely wouldn't have said that a couple of weeks ago - we were still working through issues with our routine, scheduling and nursing/bottle feeding, among other things. But things are getting better every day, and we're enjoying some semblance of normalcy again at this point. Of course, there are still disasters every once in a while, like the recent reenactment Jonathan and I did of the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire (think the outdoor toilet scene) in the back seat of our car, in the Costco parking lot. We had a total of two diaper wipes between us (I won't say whose fault that was). Fortunately, we survived, and it will NOT happen ever again. Ever. Mommy will always double- and triple-check the number of diaper wipes in the diaper bag.

Okay, enough about diapers already! We have some recent pictures below as well as some videos from the past four weeks that Chad edited together. Wish you all could come and visit us here in WA... but until you get to meet Jonathan, hopefully these will tide you over. :)

with his binky, getting ready to go to the park...

the binky fell out, but he's still waiting very patiently...

reading Dr. Seuss with Daddy...

spitting up while Daddy reacts...

shooting the breeze with Shadow & Luna...

being cute for Mommy...

almost cracking a smile...

passed out after a big meal...

awaiting a diaper change...

enjoying time with Daddy...

sporting a skullet (a variation on a mullet)...

wide awake after a walk with Mommy...

below is the video from the past four weeks or so...

Thanks for stopping by! Hope to talk to you all again very soon! :)

more photos of Jonathan

2010-04-02T22:48:00.004-05:00

As promised, a few more photos of our little Jonathan... enjoy! :)

here he is wearing his puppy dog hat...

sitting on Mommy's lap, looking adorably grumpy...

reacting with surprise to the camera...

first picture with Daddy...

getting ready for the trip home from the hospital...

first family photo in our home...

Thanks, everyone, for all the wonderful words of encouragement & congratulations! Many of you are far away, and we wish you could meet him in person. We hope these photos give you a small glimpse of what he's like. Our family away from home (our small group at church) is taking good care of us and has set us up with meals and everything else we could possibly need, so know that we're in good hands. I don't think we've ever experienced such a happy time in our lives, and it's been great getting to share it with all of you.

Love,

Kristen & Chad

happy birthday, Jonathan!

2010-03-31T14:53:00.008-05:00

Last night at 6:44 p.m. we welcomed our little boy, Jonathan Christopher, into the world! He surprised us quite a bit by arriving almost two weeks before his due date. He was a big baby-- weighing in at 8 lbs, 2 oz, and slightly over 20 inches in length. We were very surprised to discover that he has red hair and blue eyes, because as far as we knew, no one even in Chad's extended family has red hair. We are both so excited to have him as our son. He has such a sweet, gentle personality, and so far he's barely cried at all (although we realize that may change). Our very favorite thing about him is the cooing sounds he makes while feeding and sleeping. It's the most adorable thing either of us has ever heard.

My labor was ideal-- fairly short and easy enough (relatively speaking) that I was able to make it through without any pain meds (which was what I had hoped for-- although by the end of it I told Chad to make me get an epidural next time). :) I couldn't have done it without Chad's encouragement, and I'm so thankful that Jonathan has such a wonderful father to be a model for him as he grows up.

We'll try to post more pictures in the next few days, and maybe some video, too.

34 weeks down, 6 to go!

2010-02-28T22:31:00.006-06:00

This pregnancy is flying by! I can't believe that in six more weeks, give or take, our little boy will have entered the world and I'll no longer be pregnant!

I have absolutely loved carrying Jonathan. It is by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done, and I'm sure becoming a full-fledged mother will be even more rewarding. I can't wait to hold him in my arms, and I also can't wait for him to meet his daddy face-to-face. At the same time, I've already been experiencing a lot of grief at the thought of him no longer being in my abdomen. I've enjoyed all of his kicks, hiccups, swishes and turns so much, and I honestly can't imagine him not being in there anymore. Sometimes I can even feel him opening and closing his little hands and wiggling his fingers, which is amazing! Watching my stomach move when he turns has literally become my favorite form of entertainment (Chad isn't quite as easily impressed as I am). One good thing about Jonathan being on the outside, however, will be that he won't be tickling me constantly anymore (I'm ridiculously, insanely ticklish), and that I won't have to fight the sudden urge to get up and "dance" in social situations where it would be extremely inappropriate (think church, childbirth class, outings with friends, etc.).

Recently Chad and I have been racing against time to get everything done that needs to be done before Jonathan arrives. Whether it's putting the finishing touches on our nursery, designing baby announcements, registering for the shower, reading childbirth/baby care books, or even more mundane things like drawing up a will or doing our taxes (since he might arrive on April 15), there's a lot to be done! But we've had a wonderful time experiencing all of this together, despite the fact that it has been a little stressful. We were so thankful to get to have a relaxing babymoon in Kansas City right before New Year's. It was a wonderful way to bid farewell to the couple stage of our relationship (which we've gotten very used to-- after all, it's been nine years!). Overall, there's nothing I would change about this pregnancy or how we're approaching the transition into parenthood, and that's something I'm both proud of and thankful for.

Below are a few pictures from the past couple of months. I'm also posting a few belly shots to satisfy relatives and friends. Enjoy!

Chad and me enjoying our babymoon in Kansas City in late December.

The entrance to Jonathan's nursery...

We chose a neutral chocolate color that would work later for a girl.

Doesn't this look like so much fun?

This neat little Ikea changing table doubles as a dresser for later.

At 27 weeks

At 32 weeks

a little local talent

2010-01-22T13:35:00.006-06:00

One of the things Chad and I love about the city of Bellingham, Washington, is that it's a community brimming with local talent. Through our church we've had the opportunity to enjoy some of the creations of a very talented local musician who helps lead the worship music on Sunday mornings. Her name is Beth Garber, and she's written one of the most distinctive and piercing worship songs I've heard in a long while. It's called "Lord of Lords" and can be found on her CD Adaptations in a Harsh Land. It's about the servanthood of Christ, and I've loved having the opportunity to sing it during times of corporate and personal worship. You can check it out here. Just click on song #8, "Lord of Lords."

Here are the lyrics:

Lord of Lords

Lord of lords, adored by angels,
Is that You bending low
As You shed Your earthly garments,
Prepare Your towel and bowl

With the trickling of water
I hear the chords of heaven ring
All she has to offer come
In the kneeling of my king

Jesus Word of God eternal
Your disciples watch in awe
Wanting only to be humble,
And to heed Your call

The tears stream, cause the dirt clings
To my filthy feet showing
Just where I've been
In the desert deep, where the demons creep
And the shadows seep into my skin

Jesus Word of God eternal
Your disciples watch in awe
Wanting only to be clean
And free of flaw

Free
Cause the man's no fool who'd give
What he cannot keep
To gain what he cannot lose.

on grace and miracles

2009-12-18T12:50:00.005-06:00

I can't say I've ever felt this way before. A miracle is occurring before me, and I am privileged to witness it firsthand. A wonderful little baby boy is kicking inside me as I type this, and I couldn't feel happier, or more excited, or more content. His name is Jonathan Christopher, and he is my precious treasure. Just the thought of him makes tears well up in my eyes at practically any time of the day. I can't believe that the Lord has blessed Chad and me-- two fallen, broken human beings-- with this sweet little baby boy.

I find all kinds of thoughts and feelings stirring inside me that I've never felt before. Recently I've spent a lot more time thinking about the future. What will it be like to finally meet Jonathan when he's born? What will I feel when I hold him, cuddle with him, play with him, kiss him? What will I see in him of his dad? What will I see in him of myself? What will his first words be? Where will he take his first steps? What will his little personality be like? It takes my breath away to think that one day Chad and I will witness things like him graduating college, getting married and having children of his own. The beauty of the Lord's plan for our lives is truly hard to comprehend. I can't imagine what it must be like to have the perspective of my grandparents, getting to see their children's children's children. It brings to mind the words "...yet no one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end."

Occasionally my thoughts turn to worry. I often experience anxiety over whether or not I'll be a good mother. I've read some wonderful parenting books, and at times it seems like it should all be so easy, but I know that the reality is, it won't be easy at all. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Considering how frustrated I get with our dogs on occasion, I know that grace is one attribute I'm lacking in at times. And I know that grace is one of the things that Jonathan will most need to experience from Chad and me, because it is the primary way he will learn about God's grace toward sinners. It's a comfort to know that the Lord's grace abounds to those who ask for it. Chad and I have experienced its abundance in our marriage relationship, and I know God will not abandon us as parents.

For the time being, though, I'll just try to relax and cherish the wonder and excitement of these two little feet kicking inside me. This is a season of life that will pass before I know it, and tomorrow will certainly have enough worries of its own. I'm content in knowing that I have three-and-a-half more months to prepare for what will be a lifetime of challenges and blessings.

some beautiful carols

2009-12-11T14:47:00.002-06:00

Last year I came across eight beautiful Christmas carols I had never heard before. Listening to them has enriched my experience of Advent. Perhaps they will enrich yours, as well. All of them can be found on iTunes...

::Gaudete by The Crouch End Festival Choir
::Welcome to Our World by Chris Rice
::The Snowy Path by Altan
::One Small Child by Silver, Wood & Ivory
::Mary's Boy Child by The Crouch End Festival Choir
::The Holly She Bears a Berry by The Voice Squad
::All Creation Sing (Joy to the World) by Fee
::Christmas Canon by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

[note: this is a partial repost of a previous blog post from 12/23/2008]

it's a boy!

2009-11-23T19:47:00.001-06:00

Today Chad & I went in for my 20-week sonogram and found out that we're having a baby boy! We didn't have any preference one way or the other, and we were so happy to hear the news. We also got a closer look at him than we had in past sonograms, and he is absolutely beautiful. Of course there was no doubt in our minds about that fact. :) He has a very handsome face and profile and darling little hands and feet. Everything in between was perfect, too: We could see his heart beating at a steady 144 beats per minute (which seems fast but is normal for a baby at 20 weeks) and also watched as the sonogram technician checked his brain, eyes, spinal column, stomach and kidneys. The doctor said afterwards that everything about him is an A+. Right now he's in breech position, which means his head is upright and his rear/feet are positioned downward. He'll likely change positions many times before birth, so it's not a big deal that he's "upside down" (for birthing) right now. He's also just a little bit big for his age, which is great - measuring at the 50th percentile for 21 weeks (even though he's only 20).

During the hour-long sonogram he was quite the entertainer, once he'd woken up. He turned over a couple of times, almost sucked on his thumb (almost, but not quite - coordinating your mouth and your fingers is tough... work!), kicked Mom a few times in several different (read more or less painful) places, "yawned" (even though he's not breathing the air yet), scratched his nose, and got the hiccups. All of it was very cute. We are so excited to meet our little boy here in just four more months!

Below are a couple of pictures that were taken today...

Well, that's all for the moment. Thanks for reading! We'll let our little boy wave goodbye to you for now...

Deus meus et omnia.

2009-11-21T21:55:00.003-06:00

Last year I started reading the book "Knowing God" by J. I. Packer, but before I finished I got distracted reading another book. Now I've returned to finish it. A couple of interesting quotes I ran into today on the ministry of the Spirit and the attributes of God...

"With a perversity as pathetic as it is impoverishing, we have become preoccupied today with the extraordinary, sporadic, nonuniversal ministries of the Spirit to the neglect of the ordinary, general ones. Thus, we show a great deal more interest in the gifts of healing and tongues-- gifts of which, as Paul pointed out, not all Christians are meant to partake anyway (1 Cor. 12:28-30)-- than in the Spirit's ordinary work of giving peace, joy, hope and love, through the shedding abroad in our hearts of the knowledge of the love of God."

and [a citation from Brooks, Works Y, 308]

"...'You shall have as true an interest in all my attributes for your good, as they are mine for my own glory'.... 'My grace,' saith God, 'shall be yours to pardon you, and my power shall be yours to protect you, and my wisdom shall be yours to direct you, and my goodness shall be yours to relieve you, and my mercy shall be yours to supply you, and my glory shall be yours to crown you.' This is a comprehensive promise, for God to be our God: It includes all. Deus meus et omnia [God is mine, and everything is mine], said Luther.

thankful for my family in Christ

2009-11-19T16:36:00.000-06:00

"And pointing to his disciples, He said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.'" - Matthew 12:49-50

I am so thankful right now. Thankful for the body of Christ. The Lord, in His goodness and mercy, has given all believers a gift of infinite value-- a family that has a stronger bond than any blood relationship. Brothers and sisters in Christ who lay down their lives for one another on a daily basis. A family who can laugh with those who are dancing and cry with those who are mourning. Siblings who can give to those in need or receive from those who have plenty. And we won't leave this family when we die-- we'll just meet them on the other side, in heaven. There our friendships will grow even deeper, and we'll have all of eternity to serve and know each other more. I can't imagine anything better.

I feel like the Lord has lavished His love on us these past few weeks. Chad and I had been searching for a church here in Northwest Washington for quite a while, and last month we finally found the one we had been looking for. Many times we had visited churches where we could survive, but perhaps not thrive. We were looking for something similar to New Hope, our church back in Manhattan, Kansas: a fellowship with solid Christian doctrine, a focus on doing life together in small groups, challenging preaching, and good music. Finally, through a series of "coincidences," the Lord led us to an amazing little church called Oikos, which is the Greek word for "family." Oikos Fellowship is an Acts 29 church plant, part of a movement started by Mars Hill Church in Seattle (think Mark Driscoll, not Rob Bell). The worship service is a little different than what we were used to, but we loved it from the very beginning. It lasts for almost two hours every Sunday, and always includes reading Psalms, communion, prayer, some liturgy (e.g., the doxology, Lord's Prayer, etc.), a good variety of music (many Indelible Grace songs, which I love; often a banjo is employed, along with standard contemporary instruments), an hour-long sermon and a time of fellowship built into the service. It is a unique experience that we both thoroughly enjoy each week.

We also decided to join a small group from Oikos that meets a few blocks away from our house. The first night we visited, we felt so welcomed. The other members of the group shared about a Bible study they were doing, an upcoming Thanksgiving dinner, a women's group and even exercise gatherings, and then invited us to join them in everything they had planned. They made us feel so included-- like part of the family. At the end of the evening, when we were visiting with the leader of the group, he asked us, "Do you guys have any family who live here in Washington?"

We replied, "No, our family is all in Kansas and Australia."

His response? He gestured to the rest of the group and said, "Well, you do, now."

Yes, now we have family who live in Washington. And in every corner of the earth. What a marvelous thing.

don't love nobody.

2009-11-12T14:36:00.003-06:00

Excuse my incorrect grammar in the title of this post, but I thought that was a good way of capturing the sentiment of this quote by C. S. Lewis:

"It is easier to be enthusiastic about Humanity with a capital ‘H’ than it is to love individual men and women, especially those who are uninteresting, exasperating, depraved, or otherwise unattractive. Loving everybody in general may be an excuse for loving nobody in particular."

- cited by John R. W. Stott, The Letters of John, Rev. Ed., p. 147

What a thought-provoking quote. I'm sure I've been guilty of this more than a few times. Thanks to our pastor, Pete Williamson, who cited this on his blog.

rest in peace, Sundae.

2009-11-11T23:45:00.004-06:00

Today was a sad day for the Geri household. We had to put our little rabbit, Sundae, to sleep. She was very old for a rabbit-- 8 1/2 years-- and had been suffering from diabetes, GI problems, failing eyesight and other problems associated with old age. This morning I got her out to pet her and decided she was suffering too much to justify us keeping her alive any longer. When Chad came home for lunch, he examined her and agreed. So this evening we took her down to the vet hospital and Chad put her down. I was very thankful that Chad was able to do it and that we could be by ourselves with Sundae during her last moments. She was very brave right to the end, and licked my hand for a few minutes before she finally succumbed to the injection.

One of my favorite memories of her is when she would hide under our bed and not come out. She was so fast that we couldn't catch her, so we'd eventually (in desperation) have to get out the vacuum cleaner, start it up on one side of the bedroom, and like a flash of lightning, she'd come flying out from under the bed on the other side of the bedroom, back into her cage. It was quite a sight to behold. At the time, we were actually keeping her cage in our closet, because we lived at Jardine and pets weren't allowed there. They did pest inspections once a month, which got a bit stressful at times. Chad would have to get up early to put Sundae in a box and take her out to the car before his first class. Then we'd hide the cage in a big box in the closet. It was an elaborate scheme that in the end made it so we could keep our rabbit and pay only $315/month in rent.

Sundae was the very first pet that Chad and I owned together-- we got her about nine months after we were married, in September 2001. She was a sweet little bunny and was always as friendly as could be. Every time I would pet her, she would lick my hand-- which is fairly atypical for a rabbit. She always brought us a lot of joy, and we remember our time with her fondly. She will be sorely missed.

perfection in a painting

2009-11-01T19:36:00.000-06:00

Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh

This, in my humble opinion, is perfection in a painting. It is by far my favorite painting of all time. I'm intrigued by it almost as much as I'm intrigued by its artist.

I'll admit I don't know very much at all about Vincent Van Gogh, but I'd certainly like to learn more. Early in his life he was known to be a devout Christian and wrote dozens of beautiful poems about Christ and the church. His father was a pastor and at one point he worked as a missionary to a mining town. This strikes a sharp contrast with his later life, during which he cut off his left earlobe after arguing with another painter, contracted gonorrhea and died as the result of a botched suicide attempt at the age of 37. He suffered from severe depression, and possibly bipolar disorder or even schizophrenia. What makes his story even more heartbreaking is that his work was nearly unknown until after his death. It makes me sad to think that he might have died believing he was a total failure.

Interestingly enough, van Gogh was largely self-taught, which to me should provide hope to amateur artists everywhere.

Van Gogh is also the coiner of many thought-provoking quotes, including the following:

"The best way to know God is to love many things."

"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence."

"I tell you, the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people."

"I put my heart and soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."

I love the third quote... that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people. That quote is certainly an apple of gold in a setting of silver. I may not be much of a painter, but I pray the Lord would perfect in me the art of loving people.

ultimate french toast

2009-10-30T16:04:00.001-05:00

I fixed this recipe for Chad the other day... it was the best French toast either of us has ever had. It's a combination of several recipes that I found on AllRecipes.com:

6 slices bread

1/3 c packed brown sugar
1/4 c half & half
1/3 c milk
2 eggs
2 T flour
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 t ground cinnamon
1/4 t ground nutmeg

cooking spray

butter or margarine
honey
maple syrup
powdered sugar

Mix dry ingredients (brown sugar, flour, cinnamon & nutmeg) together. In a separate bowl, whisk eggs and then other wet ingredients together (half & half, milk, vanilla extract). Slowly add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and mix well. Heat a griddle or skillet over medium heat, using cooking spray if desired. Soak bread slices in milk mixture and cook until golden brown, turning intermittently. Serve with butter, honey or maple syrup, and powdered sugar.

Serves 2-3

Cook time: 15 minutes

Enjoy!

the haunting

2009-10-29T16:35:00.013-05:00

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." - Matthew 5:23-24

Halloween is fast approaching, and I am being haunted. Not by a ghost or goblin, not by a spirit or apparition, not even by some scheming trick-or-treaters, but by these words. When I listen to a song, they are there. When I hear a sermon, they are there. When I journal, they are there. When I pray, they are there. Sometimes I'm reminded of Shaggy in Scooby-Doo, walking around with his hand behind his back, feeling the air to convince himself that a ghost isn't following behind him. Except I don't need to feel the air. I know I'm being followed.

The word of God has a tendency to haunt people from time to time. It has great power-- power to convict and power to judge righteously over the thoughts and intentions of man. Its reading can lead to forgiveness, reconciliation and eternal life. It chisels away at even the hardest of hearts while embracing the humble in spirit.

The man who uttered the words of Matthew 5 was in fact Himself on a mission of reconciliation. Only He had never sinned against anyone. His only guilt was that He had too much love for a world that had sinned against Him countless times. Reconciliation-- made possible through His crucifixion, burial and resurrection-- was, for Him, not an option.

Neither should it be an option for us. We should mourn, and our hearts should be broken, for every estranged friend and shattered relationship. We should be willing to forgive unconditionally and reconcile with brothers and sisters in Christ who have committed even the most heinous sins against us. We should run with outstretched arms to those who have lied to us, spread false rumors about us, and betrayed us, at the first light of their repentance.

This is all much easier said than done, however. What if we find ourselves in a situation where reconciliation is impossible, this side of heaven? What if we've hurt or been hurt by someone, and seeing them again is too painful (for us or them) to endure? Or what if the brother or sister we've sinned against is simply unwilling to forgive?

The man who has the answers to all these questions will be a rich man, indeed. But fortunately for me, the verses from Matthew aren't the only words that have been haunting my mind. Every time I've sought an answer to these questions, the words, "Victory remains with love" have been imprinted on my mind. This phrase is a reference to Christ on the cross, but to me it also refers to something else-- the final victory, made possible through the cross: a time when in heaven, God, through His love, will right all that we sinful humans have managed to maim and destroy here on earth. All will be reconciled, all will be healed, all will be made whole, and He will wipe away every tear from every eye.

But what about the present? Heaven seems so far away at times. For the present, also, victory remains with love. We can love our estranged brothers and sisters in Christ, even from afar, in several ways. First, we can forgive them, wholly and unconditionally, regardless of their stance toward us. Second, we can continue to turn the other cheek-- responding to any and every new offense with love. Third, we can pray for them-- perhaps for their forgiveness, or for their welfare or spiritual growth. Finally, we can continue to look toward reconciliation-- whether here on earth or one day in heaven.

Because for now, and for all eternity, victory remains with love.

covenant

2009-10-28T17:29:00.004-05:00

By Margaret Halaska

God
knocks at my door
seeking a home for his son.

Rent is cheap, I say.

I don’t want to rent. I want to buy, says God.

I’m not sure I want to sell,
but you might come in to look around.

I think I will, says God.

I might let you have a room or two.

I like it, says God. I’ll take two.
You might decide to give me more some day.
I can wait, says God.

I’d like to give you more,
but it’s a bit difficult. I need some space for me.

I know, says God, but I’ll wait. I like what I see.

Hm, maybe I can let you have another room.
I really don’t need that much.

Thanks, says God, I’ll take it. I like what I see.

I’d like to give you the whole house
but I’m not sure…

Think on it, says God. I wouldn’t put you out.
Your house would be mine and my son would live in it.
You’d have more space than you’d ever had before.

I don’t understand at all.

I know, says God, but I can’t tell you about that.
You’ll have to discover it for yourself.
That can only happen if you let me have the whole house.

A bit risky, I say.

Yes, says God, but try me.

I’m not sure—
I’ll let you know.

I can wait, says God. I like what I see.

desert reality

2009-10-27T20:13:00.003-05:00

This eerie photograph comes from Ed Freeman in his new series, Desert Reality, opening in New York this December. To view the rest of the photographs in the series (they are amazing) click here.

the last six months

2009-10-21T12:39:00.016-05:00

It's been almost six months since I last posted. So much has happened in our journey since then...

In May Chad graduated from vet school. This was such a rewarding experience, after all his hard work. He deserves to be a doctor ten times over.

Also in May he landed a great job at Lynden Veterinary Hospital here in Lynden, WA. The practice sees small animals (dogs and cats) and exotics (birds, bunnies, guinea pigs, etc.).

In May/June we traveled to Australia for three weeks to visit Chad's family and friends. Chad's mother had saved up her frequent flyer points, so we flew for free! We had a wonderful time reconnecting with everyone. A side benefit was spending a week basking in the sun at a beach resort near Brisbane!

After we got back, in June, I had my last day at Helping International Students. A couple of days later, on June 27, we moved to Washington state! The move was the best we've ever had. So many people came to help us and the work went very quickly (thanks to everyone who sacrificed their Saturday morning!). The trip to WA was exciting (a couple of near-collisions with the 28-foot truck, plus we were transporting two dogs, a rabbit and two birds in my car/the truck cab). But we made it here safe and sound, and only two things broke: a part of our flatscreen TV-- the stand-- snapped in two (but fortunately was easily replaceable) and of course the token lamp that always has to break when you move (also replaceable-- thanks to my dad who went to Hobby Lobby in Manhattan and purchased a duplicate one for us). When we got here, Chad's boss had arranged for a bunch of people (who didn't even know us) to help us move into our new home. What a nice gesture! We were so grateful.

At the beginning of August, just a few days after Chad started his new job, we found out we were expecting! Our due date is April 6th, and we'll find out next month whether it's a boy or a girl-- just in time for Thanksgiving. We've already picked out names: Brieleigh Noelle if it's a baby girl and Jack Christopher if if it's a baby boy. We also have pictures to share (this is the first time we've posted them anywhere)...

I call this picture the "tadpole" or "bean sprout" picture. It was taken on September 3, at 8 weeks. This was love at first sight.

This picture was taken on September 14, at 10 weeks. Two weeks makes quite a difference! Our friend saw this picture and told us the baby looks like Chad.

Also, a couple of pictures taken near where we live...

This is beautiful Mount Baker. We have a nice view of it from right near our home (although this picture was taken as we drove up to a lookout).

This was taken at Larabee State Park, about a half hour drive from our house, in Bellingham. We love the scenery here in Washington but definitely miss the people of Kansas and Australia.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading!

a heartfelt invitation...

2009-04-15T07:55:00.006-05:00

Here's a beautiful poem I came across by John Donne. Hopefully you'll enjoy it, too...

Holy Sonnet XIV

Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you

As yet but knock; breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,

Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.

Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,

But am betroth'd unto your enemy;

Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,

Take me to you, imprison me, for I,

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

...

a curious thing

2009-04-03T09:21:00.011-05:00

It's a curious thing when people go from being your friends to seeing themselves as your enemies. When seventy times seven becomes a finite number one more than what can be forgiven. It's odd to think that under the right circumstances, the same person who sees themselves as your enemy could have been called your friend. I've never been one to have enemies much, but when I consider what King David went through, I guess it's easier than I thought, when grace runs out. It makes me very sad to know there might be people in the world who think poorly of me, who see me as a person not worth knowing. It's hard when you try your best given the circumstances, when you strive and pray and give your all, and still it's not good enough. This makes me long for heaven, where one day all things will be restored and made new. Jesus will make all our relationships right in eternity. His body will be whole.

The words from the song, "There Is a Reason" by Caedmon's Call bring me comfort each time I hear them:

Late at night I wonder why
Sometimes I wonder why
Sometimes I'm so tired I don't even try
Seems everything around me fails
But I hold on to the promise
That there is a reason

Late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see
The history of the saints who've gone in front of me
Through famine, plague and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason
He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There's a time to live and a time to die
A time for wonder and to wonder why
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason

For the lonely nights
And broken hearts
The widow's mite
In the rich man's hand
And the continent
Whose blood becomes a traitor
For the child afraid to close their eyes
The prayers that seem unanswered
There is a reason
There is a reason

He makes all things good
He makes all things good
A time to live and a time to die
A time for wonder and to wonder why
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason

There is a reason

...

grace, grace, God's grace

2009-03-27T11:16:00.004-05:00

Here are two brilliant quotes. One is on the psychology behind changing a person’s beliefs:

“First and foremost, no impatience…. A direct attack only strengthens a person in his illusion, and at the same time embitters him. There is nothing that requires such gentle handling as an illusion, if one wishes to dispel it. If anything prompts the prospective captive to set his will in opposition, all is lost…. [T]he indirect method…, loving and serving the truth, arranges everything…, and then shyly withdraws (for love is always shy), so as not to witness the admission which he makes to himself alone before God—that he has hitherto lived in an illusion.”

– Soren Kierkegaard in The Point of View of My Work As an Author

The other quote examines what can happen once a person’s beliefs have been changed:

“Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy… He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone.”

– Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Life Together

What do these two quotes have in common? Both stress the importance of grace.

Speaking the truth in love always involves grace. It is grace that helps open the door to the heart, to allow the truth to enter, so a person can come to terms with his or her own sin. Being the recipient of a confession, likewise, should always prompt grace. It is grace that helps to remove shame and give the confessor the strength to “go and sin no more.”

Having lived a significant period of my life as someone who neither extended grace nor perceived the extension of grace to myself, I cannot overemphasize the importance of grace in rooting out sin in our lives. Grace in community has played a significant role in rooting out sin in my life this past year. I have never experienced such a transforming year, nor have I ever experienced such a painful year. The rawness I still feel is almost unreal. It has been a rollercoaster of emotional ups and downs, a turbulent time. Asking God to reveal and destroy sin in your life is serious business, especially in light of Matthew 5:29. So is showing grace to others, whether they perceive their sin or not.

...

no ordinary people...

2009-03-18T21:37:00.004-05:00

Today I read the most interesting quote. I can't get it out of my head. It's from C. S. Lewis' book, The Weight of Glory, but I read it quoted in John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted.

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations....

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations-- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-- immortal horrors or everlasting splendors."

For those of us concerned with emulating Christ's apocalyptic nature, this is something good to keep in mind each day as we go about our business...

...

for a second i thought…

2009-03-16T07:20:00.001-05:00

...I was in Kansas City. But I was in Manhattan. It was really weird. This was several weeks ago. I had just walked out of Target and was experiencing Manhattan's "rush hour" which is sometimes somewhat busy but of course nothing even close to a big city. Then I turned on the radio and it was The Wildcat 91.9, but they were for once in my life playing some cool indie music instead of another weird college station talk show. For a few minutes they reminded me of The Buzz from back in the good old days. Anyway, between Target, the traffic, the song on the radio and then driving into a nicer neighborhood, I kind of felt like I could have been in Kansas City. It was pretty surreal. Could NBAF already be having an effect on Manhattan? Could we be headed toward being The Medium Apple??

Probably not. This was most likely just another weird moment in the life of Kristen...

death be not proud

2009-03-11T16:11:00.018-05:00

Death is a morbid subject-- by definition, actually, since the word "morbid" comes from the Latin word for death, "mortem." But in spite of it being a bit taboo, I'm going to make death the subject of my blog post today.

On the odd occasion I'll be sitting, relaxing, minding my own business, pleasantly attending to life, and then suddenly, like a ton of bricks-- boom! The thought will hit me: I am going to die one day. One day, probably before the end of this century, my body will cease to function and will be buried in a grave to decompose over the next hundred years. Not only that, but everyone I know will also be dead and gone. Perhaps no one on the face of the earth will remember me. Perhaps I'll be alone when I die. Perhaps...

These are all alarming thoughts. Life is serious business. You get one chance and then it's done, forever.

Paul Harvey Jr., on the passing of his father this past week, quoted what his dad had said as he eulogized Franklin D. Roosevelt. He mourned, "A great tree has fallen. An empty place has opened up against the sky." What beautiful words to apply to such an ugly and harsh subject. Those lines don't just apply to Franklin D. Roosevelt, nor do they apply only to Paul Harvey. I would argue that those words apply to everyone on earth, from the greatest to the least. Each of us is a great tree that will one day fall. None is insignificant; not one.

But all will fall.

A few months back I came across a beautiful poem on death by Alfred, Lord Tennyson (who often wrote poems that were a bit morbid):

All Things Will Die

Clearly the blue river chimes in its flowing
Under my eye;
Warmly and broadly the south winds are blowing
Over the sky.
One after another the white clouds are fleeting;
Every heart this May morning in joyance is beating
Full merrily;
Yet all things must die.
The stream will cease to flow;
The wind will cease to blow;
The clouds will cease to fleet;
The heart will cease to beat;
For all things must die.
All things must die.
Spring will come never more.
O, vanity!
Death waits at the door.
See! our friends are all forsaking
The wine and the merrymaking.
We are call’d-we must go.
Laid low, very low,
In the dark we must lie.
The merry glees are still;
The voice of the bird
Shall no more be heard,
Nor the wind on the hill.
O, misery! Hark! death is calling

Yes, death is calling. The terror and the trembling, the pain and the despair. The last sigh before eternity. Laid low, very low.

But this is the secular view of death. What is the Christian man's view of death?

Jesus teaches, "Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather, fear Him who is able to destroy both body and soul in hell."

So then, the answer is not what, but who. Death is nothing for the Christian to fear. But the Lord, the maker of the human soul, He is the one who is to be feared-- or respected and given rulership over our life.

"We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and present with the Lord," writes Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:8. The Christian has a blessed hope that death will open up a world far better than the one in which we presently find ourselves. Death for the Christian means being in the Lord's presence. Joy abundant and life everlasting will be ushered in at death.

Tolkien sums it up well in Lord of the Rings. After witnessing ominous rumblings from Mordor, a harbinger of death, Gandalf describes his recent encounter with death to Pippin: "...the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.... White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise...."

A far green country under a swift sunrise. What a wonderful promise. But even better, we also know that the Lord will never leave us or forsake us. He will always remember his children. It's not possible for the Christian to be alone at death, nor is it possible for him to be forgotten. In Isaiah, the Lord states, "Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands..."

Christ has inscribed each believer's name on the palm of His hands. He is with us at death and in eternity. Because of Christ, we have nothing to fear, not even death itself.

words of wisdom from my husband...

2009-01-18T08:21:00.003-06:00

Last night Chad said the most beautiful thing to me that I'd like to share. I'm so blessed to have married such a wise and reflective husband. I'm glad he's also my best friend.

We've been going through some rough times recently with weird health issues for me and Chad questioning whether he went into the right career field, veterinary medicine. We feel like vet school has robbed us of four years of our lives, not to mention making our marriage difficult at times. After about an hour spent discussing all of these things, Chad said in summary, "It's nice to remember that no matter what happens, whether it's with your health or my career or anything else, even though the journey there might be difficult, and it might not be what we'd hoped for or expected, it's certainly an adventure, and we know that it's going to have a happy ending."

What a great comfort to hear those words. Life is hard. It's really hard sometimes. Crazy stuff happens-- sometimes a lot of it, sometimes all at once. Living in a fallen world has caused great pain and suffering in all of our lives.

Eugene Peterson, in The Contemplative Pastor, talks about how we should live apocalyptically-- leading our lives in such a way that we are fully aware that this world is not permanent. We're to experience the here and now in light of eternity. Of course that's much easier said than done. The world has an allure that's as tempting as sin. But Christ has provided a way for us to know true peace and eternal happiness through His sacrifice on the cross. We experience joy through a glass darkly here on earth, but will experience it fully in heaven, in the presence of our creator. Life may not be all that we had hoped for or expected, but thankfully there is a better hope than life.

taking off the rose-colored glasses...

2009-01-01T12:59:00.004-06:00

As we drove to my grandparents' house for Christmas lunch this past Tuesday, I remember noticing as I looked out the window the beautiful appearance of the prairie grass along the roadside. It had a rosy tinge to it that reminded me of autumn leaves. Then I noticed a red tinge to the clouds, as well. That's weird, I thought. It's the middle of the day, but the clouds look like it's the evening. Later, I saw myself in the rear view mirror and jumped. My hair was a bright red-orange color! Then, as I took my new sunglasses off and watched my hair return to its normal strawberry blonde, I realized that the lenses must have a rose tinge to them, even though they appear brown from the outside. Everything had seemed so bright and cheery through them. The world is truly a nicer place when viewed through rose-colored glasses.

This past week has been a difficult one. Events happened that will forever change the relationship I have with a relative who I've known my entire life. My memories of Christmases past have been marred, at least for the time being, possibly for the rest of my life. The rose-colored glasses have come off. Something happened to my family that in the past I've thought only happens to "other families." It has been difficult to deal with, but there has been a silver lining to what has happened, as well. I've drawn closer to God, my husband and some women in my life. Writing about my experience has been cathartic, which is why I'm continuing to write.

Something the Lord has been teaching me and impressing upon me in weeks past is that I'm not a very gentle person. It's something I hope He'll change in me more as time passes. Until just recently I don't think I had a correct understanding of the word "gentleness." For some reason I thought it basically meant being nice... and I was a nice person-- or at least on the outside I was. Inside I was sometimes very manipulative-- always trying to say flattering things to the right people to gain favor with them and eventually get my way. For some reason I didn't view this as being sinful... just strategic. I knew best, and since people can't see things the way I see them, I'll just control them into doing things my way without them even knowing it. Now my thought process was never quite this overt; in fact I'd often trick myself into thinking I was helping others by going about things in this way! God has been working on this sin in my life since July or so. The real clincher came more recently, though, when I was reading out of The Message Bible. Here's Galatians 5:22-23 from The Message:

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard-- things like affection for others [love], exuberance about life [joy], serenity [peace]. We develop a willingness to stick with things [patience], a sense of compassion in the heart [kindness], and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people [goodness]. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments [faithfulness], not needing to force our way in life [gentleness], able to marshal and direct our energies wisely [self control]."

The rose-colored glasses have come off more and more with regard to sin each time I pray for God to reveal my sin to me. This is a great prayer to pray. Utter it early and often. The Lord has never failed to answer this prayer in my life, and I doubt He'll refrain from answering it in the lives of others. The rose-colored glasses came off when I read the phrase, "not needing to force our way in life." That's exactly what I had been doing all my life. I'd been very deliberately forcing my way through life, trying to manipulate everything together for what I thought were exceptional purposes. In fact, they were just my own purposes, and often weren't of God at all. Sometimes the results were disastrous.

In a way, gentleness is very much related to faith. We must trust God to work things out in His way, on His terms, in His timing. Taking control of the situation and manipulating things ourselves is a form of doubting God, because we trust that we know best, rather than God. I was doubting God's ability to work things for good in my life. Sometimes I still do. It's a struggle and probably will be for a long time. But the Lord and I are dealing with my sin together more and more as time goes on. He's patient and I'm willing, and that's a good combination.

...

some more poetry...

2008-12-30T07:21:00.008-06:00

Today is Chad's & my eighth wedding anniversary, so I decided to write a poem this morning to commemorate the occasion. It's dedicated to my wonderful husband and is written in the style of a Psalm...

Seeking His Face
From the 4 a.m. Collection
12.30.08

Turn Your countenance toward me, O Lord,
And let Your ear hear the words of my mouth.
I seek Your presence day and night,
And delight in Your face only. Selah.
Show me Your heart, O God;
Make me a woman after Your own heart.
Lead me on the path to life,
And show me all Your righteous deeds.
For You are holy, O Lord,
And Your righteousness stands forever.
All the days of my life, let me forsake all else,
To know You intimately,
And to trust You fully.
Amen.

how can we believe in the existence of a good God?

2008-12-26T18:08:00.006-06:00

Today, the day after Christmas, is Boxing Day in England, Australia and many other former British colonies. But it's also the fourth anniversary of the tsunami of December 26, 2004, thought to be the deadliest tsunami in all history. It was backed by the energy of 23,000 atomic bombs and took the lives of an estimated 221,000. So many souls went missing that infamous day that we'll never be able to tell the exact number, even to the nearest thousand.

Chad & I were actually in Australia, out enjoying the beach, when the tsunami struck. Fortunately Australia's coastline has a rather steep continental shelf that protects all its inhabitants from tsunamis. I remember when I first saw the news reports on Australian TV, the initial estimates were that 150 people had died. No one expected that number to go up by a factor of a thousand. The areas hit the hardest were the same areas that didn't have any tsunami warning technology at the time.

These pictures above are probably some of the scariest I've ever seen. They put tears in my eyes and make me gulp down deep breaths of air. The camera on which these were taken was found by a fishing vessel floating out at sea months after the tsunami hit. Having had a terrible experience getting dumped by a wave on a Sydney beach back in 2000, I can't imagine the raw force this monster wave must have brought to bear as it slammed onto the shoreline, cutting down thousands upon thousands of lives in a single instant. For those who survived the initial impact of the wave, most were dragged with unimaginable force miles and miles out to sea, floating stranded with perhaps hundreds of other people around them, never to be seen again.

So, to ask an honest question... how in the world can things like this happen? How in the world can they happen? How can you and I go to bed every night and get up every morning knowing that 221,000 people lost their lives in the most painful, unimaginably frightening way, in a timespan of a few hours? The skin crawls at the thought.

Worse yet, how can anyone believe that there's someone who's in control of the universe when they see stuff like this? And how can people argue that there's an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good God who actually had the ability to prevent this from happening and yet did nothing?

That's the question Peter Kreeft tries to answer in his book, "Making Sense out of Suffering." I'm in the process of reading that book right now, along with about six others (which is perfectly normal for some people). It may be a while before I finish it, as I'm rotating through. But it's been very good so far. I'll let you know what I discover, because right now the answer to that question above is that I don't know. Until then, keep asking questions... there's nothing wrong with having honest doubts. God can handle it.

...

how we celebrate Christmas...

2008-12-25T17:35:00.005-06:00

Last night we went up to my parents' house for Christmas Eve dinner. They live about two miles from where we live. My brother, his girlfriend and her sister also came up for a visit. We had a simple meal of chili soup, chili con queso, cheese & crackers, veggies and about six different kinds of desserts. It was a nice prelude to the veritable feast we'll have at the Long extended family Christmas celebration here in a few days out in central Kansas. After dinner we opened presents and then sat around the fire and talked. We read a few passages about the birth of Christ from The Message Bible, which was one of the presents Chad & I got for my brother.

One of those passages talked about Jesus being the Life-Light who blazed out of the darkness. He became a missionary to us, the world, by taking on flesh and blood and moving into our neighborhood. He revealed God's glorious nature, that He's "generous inside and out, true from start to finish." For us, the coming of Christ is a celebration, a harbinger of coming salvation. But for Christ, the incarnation was the beginning of a difficult and painful journey of suffering, an existence that would eventuate in His torture and death and finally, in glorious resurrection. Being reminded of this gives us a chance to thank Him for the sacrifice He willingly made for each one.

Now, on Christmas afternoon, Chad and I are sitting here in our living room, just hanging out. Our two doggies, Luna & Shadow, are passed out on the floor near the couch where we sit. The closest thing we have to a fireplace is this space heater at my feet and about a dozen tealights lit at various places around the room. The aromas of hazelnut, vanilla and gingerbread cookie fill the air. The Riders of Rohan are currently gracing our new flatscreen TV that Chad received for his birthday/Christmas/graduation present. Lunch, which was earlier, included leftovers from dinner yesterday, plus a palate-pleasing piece of pumpkin pie. Dinner will feature another nice repeat of this meal. It's making my mouth water as I type so I think I'll make my way to the kitchen now...

Thanks for reading. Have a Merry Christmas!

...

a few thoughts on our political system…

2008-12-24T10:40:00.004-06:00

My political views are greatly affected by that subversive and apocalyptic Man who lived two thousand years ago. He had quite a few things to say that both bore weight on and transcended the political milieu of that day. The amazing thing is His teachings are still relevant to our current political climate in 2009.

To share a mundane fact, I'm registered as a Republican in the state of Kansas. But for one reason only... so I can vote in the only primary that actually counts. Since Kansas is a Republican state, oftentimes the winner of the race is really decided two months before the real election, in the primaries.

However, I have a lot of problems with both the Republican and Democratic parties, so I would tend to call myself an independent.

What are those problems, you ask?

Well, the Bible talks about caring for the poor more than any other subject, and from my vantage point, trickle-down economics doesn't really seem to have any effect on the very poorest of the poor (although it has helped others, of course). A lot of people tend to blame the poor for their current state, but the truth is that they're in a cycle that they can't break out of. They learned certain ways of living from their parents, who learned from their parents. In many ways it's like a rehabilitation. Most people wouldn't expect a heroin addict to pick himself up by his bootstraps, but would recommend a detox program. They might even take pity on the poor soul and donate some money to help cover the cost. But the poor must be lazy, or they must enjoy being poor. Somehow it's gotta be their own fault. Well, I would argue that in most ways, it's clearly not. And to show the poor judgment, rather than mercy, goes against everything that Christ taught and demonstrated.

Another consideration to all this is that the church has effectively resigned its responsibility of taking care of the poor to the government. I'm not enough of an historian to know whether or not the New Deal was welcomed or decried by most Evangelical Christians of the day. I do know that today the church could be doing a lot more to help the poor. I, as a Christian individual, could be doing a lot more to help the poor, starting here in this city where I'm living. Perhaps that will be one of my New Year's resolutions. I'd love to see our LIFE Group do this together. To quote a little Gandhi, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Now there's a good quote.

My major beef with the Democratic Party is the abortion issue. I view life as beginning at conception. It's something I'll never view differently. It's a strong enough belief that I don't know whether I could ever vote for someone who's pro-abortion. That said, I do appreciate what Obama wrote in his autobiography... basically he stated that he is pro-abortion (or pro-choice, in his terms) because he doesn't believe life begins at conception. However, he said that if he did believe life began at conception, he would be pro-life, and would be forced to respond as vehemently as most pro-lifers do to the atrocity of abortion. To me, that is somewhat hopeful...

Obama really seems to appreciate the importance of viewing things from his opponent's perspective, and that's something I greatly respect. He may be better for this country than many originally thought.

I have other issues with the Republican party, like their propensity to want to go to war at the drop of a hat. I greatly disagree with the war in Iraq, even though God seems to be working there despite everything. I can't express my relief that the troop surge worked so spectacularly.

So those are three of my main issues with the two juggernauts of the political system. I'd love it if we could have a three-party system, but according to several of my political science professors, the improbability of changing from an entrenched two-party system to a three-party system is, well, infinite. It's never before happened in any republic in history. So change will have to come from the inside out, it sounds like.

It's encouraging to hear that 90 percent of young people today are pro-life. Sometimes I think about the good friends I might have had who were lost to abortion. Perhaps I'll meet them someday in heaven...

Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading!

...

a few of my favorite Christmas carols...

2008-12-23T22:30:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone! Over the years I've stumbled onto some great Christmas carols that I thought I'd share... check them out on iTunes if you have a chance...

::Gaudete by The Crouch End Festival Choir

::The Snowy Path by Altan

::One Small Child by Silver, Wood & Ivory

::Mary's Boy Child by The Crouch End Festival Choir

::The Holly She Bears a Berry by The Voice Squad

...

a little poetry for the day...

2008-12-22T17:19:00.008-06:00

Here's a little bit of poetry I wrote a while back. It's about sharing Christ with our friends and accepting that we really have no control at all over which of them comes to know Him as Lord. It's in His hands and His only...

The Seed
From the 4 a.m. Collection

Came across a weary wanderer,
Faint of heart and soul forlorn
“Learn of the One who bears your burden,
Who on His back your sins has borne,”
I said, as his regard was granted,
As he turned a curious eye.
Then he left me, fast forgotten,
Scarcely sure he’d heard my word.

But higher eyes and greater love
Followed him beyond depart.
Tragedy was spared no longer;
Deep despair and anguish struck.

A glimmer, a glimmer: Light is shining,
A beam of radiance pouring forth,
From God’s own hand, consuming, blinding,
Yet delivering sight restored.

Grief gives way to hope abiding,
Sorrows melt and strivings cease,
Pain is cast upon a Savior,
Contrition leads to His esteem.

A friend, a pilgrim, on a path
To where we do not know it leads
But share the light of Christ and trust Him
To shepherd all His little sheep.

...

my redeemed passions...

2008-12-22T13:54:00.002-06:00

I mentioned in my last post that I'm part of a community of believers at Emmanuel House Seminary. I've been studying there this past semester and will continue hopefully until I have my Master's of Divinity degree. This blog probably wouldn't exist had I not started attending EmmaHouse. God has never changed my life in so many ways so quickly.

During one of our practicum classes, someone asked me how I would describe myself... who I am. Such a simple question, but all I could think of were things that I do. My job had seemingly usurped my identity. And that was scary to realize. I want to be a human being, not a human doing. I don't want to identify myself or have others identify me only with my work and nothing else. Nor do I want to be a workaholic, which has happened in the past. My goal is to have a vibrant ministry with healthy boundaries. It's not healthy to go through cycles of extreme activity and then burnout.

As part of my effort to pursue my new identity in Christ, I've come up with a list of redeemed passions. Things that perhaps I used to enjoy and am rediscovering again as a believer, or perhaps am pursuing for the first time. These are listed in order of importance...

Knowing, loving & trusting God. Learning about Him through the Bible & His creation and talking to Him in prayer. I’ve been loving reading from The Message (Eugene Peterson's translation of the Bible) recently! It’s been a breath of fresh air to my time with the Lord.

Loving Chad & others well. Serving my husband and supporting him in all his endeavors. Friendships. My goal of late is less chat/e-mail. I've been trying to get together with a few ladies in person every week, just to get to know each other on a deeper level. This is something that had been lacking before because of my busy work schedule. Chad & I are happy to have joined a New Hope LIFE Group recently. I’d like to begin pursuing closer relationships with several women who are in that group, as well.

Learning for pleasure! Reading for pleasure! The classics, theological books, short stories, poetry. For a long time I’ve also wanted to learn more about history. I don’t know as much as I should about a lot of the past.

Writing. Songs, short stories, poetry, journaling! [Blogging.] Recently I’ve been writing more. I’d like to get an espresso-colored handcrafted leather journal and put some of my poetry/short stories/songs in it for display on our living room coffee table. We saw some of these journals at Pike’s Place Market in Seattle. I’m going to ask my best friend to pick one up and send it to us when she has time.

Music. Listening, singing & writing. Worship music, especially contemporary Christian music... recently I've fallen in love with some of the music from the David Crowder Band. Alternative, indie rock, hymns, classical; even a little folk, bluegrass and Celtic rock mixed in nowadays… One day I’d love to learn how to play the piano properly. Back in the day I took lessons but I feel like I’ve forgotten most of what I learned. I’d also love to learn how to play guitar, although I’m not sure my fingers are ever going to be strong enough to do that.

Food & beverages. Cooking, especially foreign foods! Coffee! Beer & wine in moderation. Tea a little bit. Traditional American cooking is something I’d like to get better at. The problem here is that I could eat okonomi-yaki pretty much for every meal the rest of my life! I would love to actually make crème brulée soon – not just know the recipe. Supporting our very own Manhattan breweries! Little Apple & Tallgrass. One day I’d love to learn to brew our own beer… good beer… and make some American vegemite out of the stuff that’s left over from the process. Amerimite or something like that.

Enjoying God’s creation. Taking Shadow & Luna on walks out on the Linear Park, which goes around Manhattan. Hanging out with Sundae & our two birdies, Jack & Jill. Animals! Maybe even a little entomology, perhaps… especially when the butterflies come out. I’d also like to walk more to get into better shape and so I can think more clearly.

Art. I’d love to learn to paint and draw better. I used to be quite the artist back in the day. One of these days when I have more time I’d like to see if I can remember my stuff. I’d also love to learn calligraphy. Beautiful handwriting is something I take pride in & admire.

Humor. I love to make people laugh… especially people who don’t laugh easily. One of my goals has always been to encourage, lift people’s spirits and put them in a better mood.

Movies & TV shows. Especially indie dramas and good movies – not necessarily your average box office blockbuster. As far as TV shows go, The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly and 24 are some of my favorites. I keep hearing about Heroes from all kinds of people and might be interested in checking that out.

Culture & travel. One day Chad & I would love to journey to many countries around the world. We’d visit more of the US & Australia, Israel, Greece, Egypt, Morocco, Italy, France, Britain, Germany, Ireland, Scotland, India, Nepal, China, Japan, Korea, Thailand, the Philippines, Taiwan, Hong Kong, South Africa, Côte D’Ivoire, Congo, Nigeria, Kenya, Canada, Costa Rica, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon & Turkey. I’m sure there are lots of countries we’d love to visit that aren’t on this list, as well.

Politics & current events. I enjoy watching BBC News and PBS’ McNeil-Lehrer News Hour. I also really used to love watching The McLaughlin Group. I’d like to start receiving The Mercury again and find more time to read The Collegian each day, as well…

...

well, I guess this is my blog...

2008-12-22T01:48:00.002-06:00

It's been a long time in coming. I've been meaning to create one for about the past year or so. Since older people have for the most part stopped asking me, "So what exactly is this blog business..." I figure there's no time like the present. I don't think this blog will probably contain too many ideas that are both revolutionary and original, but perhaps it will contain some that are original, some that are revolutionary but borrowed and some that are my original take on someone else's revolutionary idea, if that makes sense. I tend to borrow other people's ideas a lot, which I figure is actually alright as long as they're good ideas and I'm honest about where I heard them. Why reinvent the wheel when you can drive someone else's Mercedes?

I almost named this blog "This Beautiful Heartbeat." I don't know if that would have been better. It pains me a little bit not to have named it that. So to alleviate my burden, I'll share that on my first post. Other ideas were "This Beautiful Journey," "Extravagant Love" and "Astonished by Grace." I wrote those all down in my journal, too. Pastor Todd Stewart often talks about astonishing people with your grace and showing extravagant love, and those two ideas have affected me greatly in recent months. The reason I finally chose "This Beautiful Moment" was because I wanted to emphasize that every moment in our lives is beautiful and precious to God. He's using every experience we go through to bring us to completion in Christ. I'm going to write about those experiences from my life in this blog.

Here are some ideas I'd like to return to in future postings. I know I'll forget some of them if I don't write them down somewhere...

What does it mean to love and know God more, simply for the joy of loving and knowing Him more?

I'd like to practice cherishing my amazing husband better than I have in the past. I'll share a little about some of the joys and struggles we've experienced in our marriage. I'm still on the long road of learning how to be a good wife to him. There have been many failures as there's still a lot of junk in this fallen heart of mine.

My experiences at New Hope Church. What it's been like to experience true Christian community. The body of Christ is both messy and beautiful.

Emmanuel House Seminary. God has used this experience to change my life more than anything else. I can't imagine where I'd be without this community of grace.

The nearly forgotten idea of learning for leisure and for pleasure.

My redeemed passions. Some of these might surprise a few of you.

Books I've read recently. I'd really like to touch on "The Myth of Certainty" and "The Contemplative Pastor." I just ordered "The Sacred Romance" which I'm looking forward to reading after I finish a couple of books by Larry Crabb.

...

Well, I'm going to call it a night. There are more topics to list, but I need to try to get some sleep, even though I'm not very tired. I'm suffering from a little insomnia right now, which will probably go away here in a few weeks, or at least I hope it will. Thanks for reading...

“And finally the voice I have followed for life, has a glorious face that is lit up with light…”